In workplaces everywhere, “coaching” is one of the most overused and misunderstood words. Leaders often believe they are coaching when they are actually correcting, directing, or micromanaging. But true coaching looks—and feels—very different.
After three decades of coaching people through challenges, growth, and transformation, one lesson stands out clearly:
Coaching isn’t about telling people what to do.
It’s about helping them discover what they can do.
Here’s the real difference.
1. Coaching Builds, Directing Controls
Many leaders think they’re coaching when they give instructions or fix mistakes.
But that’s directing.
Directing sounds like:
“Do it this way.”
“You should follow this process.”
Coaching sounds like:
“What approach do you think makes the most sense?”
“What outcome are you aiming for?”
The goal of coaching is ownership, not compliance.
2. Coaching Creates Thinkers, Not Followers
A coach’s job isn’t to be the smartest person in the room—it’s to help others think more clearly.
A 30-year coach knows:
- A follower waits for answers
- A thinker searches for possibilities
- A coached thinker becomes a future leader
Coaching strengthens someone’s ability to solve problems long after the conversation ends.
3. Coaching Asks, It Doesn’t Assume
True coaching starts with curiosity.
It avoids jumping to conclusions.
Instead of assuming the issue, a skilled coach asks:
- “What do you feel is the real challenge here?”
- “What options have you considered?”
- “What support would help you move forward?”
These questions uncover insights that commands never reveal.
4. Coaching Guides, It Doesn’t Judge
People open up when they feel safe—not when they feel evaluated.
Judgment shuts down learning.
Guidance opens the door to growth.
A real coach listens closely, responds respectfully, and creates a space where people can reflect honestly without fear.
5. Coaching Focuses on Growth, Not Perfection
Coaching understands that development takes time. Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re feedback.
A seasoned coach knows:
- Progress beats perfection
- Small wins matter
- Growth is a long-term strategy
Coaching builds confidence, not pressure.
6. Coaching Helps People Step Into Their Potential
At its core, coaching is about transformation.
It helps people:
- uncover strengths
- build new skills
- overcome old patterns
- move toward who they can become
The best coaches don’t push people forward—they walk beside them.
Final Thoughts
Many leaders think they’re coaching when they’re really directing, correcting, or controlling. But coaching—real coaching—is a skill, a mindset, and a commitment to helping people grow.
A 30-year coach knows the truth:
Coaching isn’t about having the answers.
It’s about creating the conditions where others discover theirs.
